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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682481">a rogue, a bard, a cleric, and a warlock walk into an inn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skuxie/pseuds/skuxie'>skuxie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:14:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skuxie/pseuds/skuxie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>once again i dont know how to finish this story xoxo thx</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a rogue, a bard, a cleric, and a warlock walk into an inn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Any respectable adventurer or self-proclaimed hero would seek only the best lodgings for themself or any of their travel companions. Fortunately for The Dusty Goose Inn-- and </span>
  <em>
    <span>unfortunately</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Bel’ves Aegreth-- he had hardly aligned himself with a group of respectable folks. The rather run-down tavern had earned itself a sizable group of patrons for the night. Bel’ves was no stranger to slumming it, having grown up in the streets of Clayburrow, but he had hoped that the eclectic party of oddballs he was stuck with would have thrown a bit more gold into nicer accommodations; it was the least they could have done for nearly letting him get swallowed by a pteranodon earlier. Despite his rather sour attitude on the inside, he wore a bright smile on his face that dimpled his cheeks and lit up his dark brown eyes. He stepped forward, placing a hand on the shoulder of the half-orc in front of him who seems to be nervously negotiating with the innkeeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take it from here, Tarim.” Bel’ves cooed, causing the Tarim’s cheeks to turn a darker shade of green as he nodded and stepped back. Bel stepped between his companion and the innkeeper, his unwavering smile now facing the angry smile of a ruddy-looking human man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pardon my friend, he’s a devoutly religious man. This is his first time out of the monastery, can you believe that!” Bel paused, flashing a congratulatory look at Tarim, who returned it with a look of complete confusion. The innkeeper didn’t budge or speak a word. “Regardless, my compatriots and I thought we would teach him about the big, wide, scary world outside of the monastery’s hallowed halls. As you can see, he’s not the most equipped for purchasing a room, or negotiating, or speaking to us regular non-religious folks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The innkeeper spat to the side, his face somehow contorting into an even angrier expression. “Who’re ya callin’ ‘non-religious’?!” He hiked a thumb behind himself, to a large carving that hung over the hearth, one displaying a blooming rose over grain. “I’ll have ya know this place has thrived for generations thanks to her blessings!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A woman snickered behind Bel’s back, making him grimace for a second-- but </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> a second-- he quickly forced a calm demeanor and offered a nonchalant shrug. “Of course, my friend. That was merely a test. Clearly your goddess has blessed this place!” He gestured across the tavern, across the dripping rafters and the cobweb-infested corners. “See, as soon as I set foot in this place, I knew I felt the warm light of… uh…” Bel’ves elbowed the half-orc behind him, prompting him to fill in the blanks of his secular knowledge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aah-! C-Chauntea! Goddess of agriculture!” Tarim blurted out. “I’ve found that her followers are very kind and devoted people, it--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>As</span>
  </em>
  <span> I was saying...” Bel’ves cut him off. “Chauntea. I could feel the warm light of Chauntea smiling down upon this wonderful place. Like I said earlier, we’re all religious folk here, and I don’t think I’ve ever set foot in a more welcome place than this. It would be an honor to spend a night in the presence of the glorious Chauntea, if you would allow us humble, humble servants of hers. We will each spend the next four hours praying to her almighty, and inviting even more blessings upon your humble inn, and in exchange you will let us stay here, free of charge. From one Chauntenite to another, eh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The innkeeper squinted at Bel’ves and the humble hands he outstretched towards him, then squinted at the two tiefling women behind him; his nose wrinkled in disgust. Then finally, his eyes rested on the leather chest plate Tarim wore, engraved with the symbol of Selûne, goddess of the moon. “Rooms are three gold a night, and that’s my only offer.” He said bluntly, eyes fixed on the religious symbol. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bel gritted his teeth, but yielded; his observant eyes noticing that two infernal companions and a companion who worshipped a separate deity did nothing but hurt his efforts to sway the innkeeper’s favor. Working with others sure had a way of biting him in the ass. “In that case, we’ll be taking one room.” Bel folded his arms. “Tarim, pay the man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-Why me? Amélie is the one who has the most gold!” Tarim protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bel glanced back at Tarim, then at the gray-pink tiefling. She flashed a sharp-toothed smile that made the half-elf’s stomach flutter. His cheeks warmed and his quickly turned his attention back to Tarim. “Well, that’s all of our money, she’s just keeping an eye on it. Think of it as a tithe to the church, it’s for the greater good! You want to help your friends out, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tarim nodded quickly. “O-of course! You’re right! Here...” He fished around in his pockets, rapidly producing the required three gold, and offering it to the innkeeper who practically snatched them out of the cleric’s open palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Third room on the right.” The innkeeper barked. His tone indicated that he was done dealing with the intrepid group. Bel bobbed his head in an insincere bow, “May Chauntea smile upon you.” With that, the group retired to their assigned room behind the creaky door.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The dancing glow of three small flames illuminated four different faces. Tarim sat in the corner, a small chair barely holding his half-orc form. Vin’shallin, one of the two tiefling women, sat on the floor next to the cleric. She giggled as a pale, white snake wound itself around her playfully. Tarim smiled at the sight. The pair exchanged quiet small talk to themselves. Amélie lounged on the room’s only bed that she had claimed as hers as soon as she had walked into the room. One of her piercing yellow eyes was open, trained on Bel’ves who was sitting in the middle of the room. He had a strip of leather laid out on the floor, weighed down with several blades of various shapes, colors, and designs. He pulled out a small kit, and began inspecting each of the blades before going to work. Amélie sighed, leaning up on her elbow. “Bel’ves, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mon cher</span>
  </em>
  <span>, don’t you ever get tired of polishing those silly knives?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bel’ves chuckled, but his focus remained on the jade-hilted dagger in his hand. “I do not. It’s a curse collecting such beautiful blades yet needing to use them in the heat of battle. I must sharpen and polish them each night if I want to keep them as exquisite as I found them--” He glanced up at the woman, grinning. “--As exquisite as you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amélie snorted, tossing a pillow at the man’s head. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Rebattue! </span>
  </em>
  <span>You can do better!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The half-elf fixed his hair from the pillow assault, grinning devilishly. “Oh? You want a better line? How about you come over here and help me polish my--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AHH! STOP! WE’RE SITTING RIGHT HEEEEERE!” The second tiefling yelped from the corner, pointing an accusatory turquoise finger at the pair. Bel’ves looked at the others with a sheepish smile while his flirting partner gave an annoyed glare. Tarim was covering his ears, the familiar dark green spread across his face. “If you two wanted to play patty cake, maybe you should have asked for </span>
  <b>two</b>
  <span> rooms, Bellybutton!” Vin’shallin pulled a face. “I’m pretty sure you’ve scarred innocent little MinoTarim for life.” Her tail flicked behind her, emphasizing her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apologies, Vinnie. Apologies, Tarim. It seems we got carried away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman stuck raised her snake-adorned arm. “I believe you’re forgetting about someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bel’ves dimpled. “My deepest, most sincere apologies to you as well, Grasteasel.” The snake flicked out its tongue in acknowledgement, and Vin’shallin imitated the gesture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bel’ves?” Tarim’s timid voice cut through the pleasantries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” He raised his brows, turning towards the cleric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tarim’s eyes flicked to the woman on the bed, whose irritated expression made his gaze quickly fall to the floor. “I was wondering why you said all that stuff about me being fresh out of the monastery? I’ve never even been to a monastery before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah!” Bel picked up the next dagger, opting to focus on both Tarim’s query and fixing up his weapons; the latter, frankly more important to him. “See, there are two types of people in this world, my holy friend.” He held a ruby-encrusted silver dagger up to his eye. “The types of people who you can talk circles around until you get what you want-- that’s our innkeeper friend-- and the type of people who you can’t; That’s me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mon Dieu…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Amélie quipped. Bel’ves waved a dismissive hand towards her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to be one of the world’s tragically dull people, do you?” Bel continued. “Sometimes you have to offer a lie, or an embellishment of the truth to reach your goal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and that little lie worked so well for you, did it not?” Amélie snickered, earning a snort from Vin’shallin who was only half listening to the group conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bel shrugged, used to (and honestly a fan of) the woman’s snide comments. “Sometimes it works out in your favor, and sometimes not so much. What’s important is that you’re always on your toes, ready to adapt to the reactions of those around you. If you do this, you will be the one on top at all times--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amélie grinned evilly and opened her mouth to respond, but was stopped by the other tiefling. “I </span>
  <b>know</b>
  <span> that was the perfect set up for some nasty comment, but I’m going to put an end to that shit before you can even begin!” Vinnie wailed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Utterly lost, Tarim’s brow furrowed. Asking for an explanation from the smooth-talking half-elf and the random interjections from the other two had only left him feeling more confused. Maybe he was ‘tragically dull’ as Bel’ves would put it. He sighed, slumping defeatedly in his seat; the trio before him tossing jabs back and forth far into the night.</span>
</p>
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